My kids are always telling me I should read one of their newest and loved adventures. Usually fantasy or science fiction. And while I do love hearing the plot and all about the characters from them, these genres don't speak to my soul in the same way as theirs… and when I do have time (which is not often enough) to curl up with a book (that is not for studying)…… I long to be immersed in someone's story. To feel as if I am standing there beside them, in real-life oh-shit-this-could-be-me kind of stories. Creative Fiction has long been my truest love. With this thought, I decided to start writing some of my own stories down here, on a regular basis. Ramblings and such. No photographs. Just words. This is the first, but I'm hoping many will follow…..
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I'm sitting in the warm spot of sunlight in my room. Cross-legged on the floor in-between the dresser and bed because that is where the sun is. Maggie is curled up next to me, slowly squeezing more than her fair share of the sun rays streaming through the window. If I close my eyes, I can almost trick myself into believing it's summer out there instead of mid-January.
Jade has been slowly taking over Sam's room in the basement since he moved out last fall. My nest is short one chick and the rest are filling in the space left by his absence. This one room move has made the whole lot of them want to take a new one. There is plans for fresh paint and decluttering and new spaces as they each move up to the next sibling's room. It's interesting to see them all deal with his absence in their own ways. I wonder how it will shift as each one takes flight… and what the last one left behind will do.
I planted myself in this sunny spot to do some paperwork and pay some bills. However I am distracted by noise below me, I can hear Jade's music playing in the basement and all three of the kids singing along to Nirvana. Which is really so hilarious, because the soundtrack to my own and their teenage years is so similar – hipster kids and their retro music. I have this familiar feeling sweep through my chest – it feels like a loss, but not a sad loss if that makes sense – I felt it the first time in full force last fall when I said goodbye to Sam when he moved to Alaska. It's followed by the overwhelming love I have for these creatures who call me mama. Now matter how big or small they are.
I close the computer screen and instead sit with the dog in the sun. Eyes closed. Half pretending it's summer and half remembering the lyrics to Smells Like Teen Spirit as it plays, realizing I never did figure that song out…..