on a serious note…..

tuesday

 

I don't know how we got here.

We thought of ourselves as good parents and the big boy as a good kid.
But despite our best of intentions, things began to unravel. Without casting blame on anyone, because really that does no one any good…. I can tell you this: My dear friend Nancy in the roughest hours said to me in a gentle loving tone…. why not you. And she's right. Hard things happen to the best of people all the time, so why not us.

There is no time to try and make sense of something that does not. It just is. So instead you carry on, pick up the pieces and try to keep doing the best you know how to do.

In the midst of selling and buying our home, of moving, of having our family in different places….. everything we knew fell apart. We made the swift decision to pull him out of school for the rest of the semester and send him to the only constant we had in that moment. Grandma & Grandpa's (my parents).

It is an act of love and humility to ask for help. To take a much needed break. To step back and reassess and try again. I left Louisiana with tears in my eyes for a hundred reasons. One of which was not knowing what was to come for our family.

Being a parent is tough sometimes. Being a teenager is tough too. And here we are….. nearly five months later. He spent the last few months working 40+ hours a week at a fish cannery, throwing fifty pound boxes of fresh fish around. We all got a much needed breather. In pictures I have seen his smile return and his shoulders bulk up with muscle. I have heard the boy I know return to his voice over the phone. I have held hope so tightly in my heart I thought I might crush her. 

I wanted to tell you all so many times…. I just couldn't find the words. Or perhaps the bravery.

In a few hours we'll drive to the airport to pick up my mom and the big boy. Tender hearts turning a page. Walking this bumpy road with love is the only way to do it. It's the only thing to get you through the roughest of spots.

Love, love, love my friends.

Wish us luck.

xo,
s

 

24 thoughts on “on a serious note…..

  1. Oh, I do wish you luck. So much of it. Thank you for sharing this most tender and vulnerable time for your family. I hope that parents with older children can offer you guidance, or even just a strong hug from someone who has been there. I’m sending you calm, soothing thoughts for a warm reunion and a smooth transition for everyone.

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  2. A good hug to you, Stephanie. Thank you for sharing. I am a few years behind you on this path. It is a comfort to know you and to see your light in the mists ahead.

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  3. Parenting teenagers is so challenging, scary, and frustrating at times. I used to laugh when my Mom would tell me that my precious babies were going to turn my hair grey, make me cry harder than I’ve ever cried, and make me question everything I ever thought true. Now with a 17 year old son and nearly 16 year old daughter I’m realizing how very right she was.
    Stay strong and know that your family is in our hearts and thoughts in the coming days. I haven’t walked your exact path but through my own experiences know that we are stronger than we ever thought possible.

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing this. We had a bit of unraveling last year with our 14 year old. It was a very mucky,murky, lonely place to be as a mother, as a family, and of course as a teenager. I find myself holding my breath A LOT-especially as we inch toward the start of a new school year. Sending you wishes for continued love, luck and illumination.

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  5. You will make it and your family will be stronger for this time. If you only knew how many of us understand and have been through exactly the same thing, many times I know you felt you could not even think straight or make a proper decision because of the turmoil you felt in your soul. Please know, I feel as though I am walking that lonesome path again by hearing your story….I am happy to report these times make us a more compassionate people, and love our families more. So grateful for your parents and their willingness to help, it is true sad things happen to good, loving parents. Thank you for sharing and praying for a wonderful reunion, Life is hard, so many times we must just ” do the next thing “, only because, and this is my personal perspective here…..the ability to reason, think, and focus on a plan of action, is simply to difficult. You will make it !!!

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  6. Thank you for sharing, we are no where near the teenage years yet, but I know they are coming and I will look at those of you who have been there for guidance.
    Thinking of you and sending love. You don’t need luck, you got this. Hugs xo

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  7. Good luck – it will be harder than before since now said Teenager has matured and lived part of his life as a working person. Now to be back in his parents home, it will be very difficult for him (and all of you) accepting him in the new role his life has taken. It will be very difficult for all of you seeing him through new eyes, accepting his new habits and his new “will”. I will say a prayer for you all – crossing my fingers and smiling at your courage in discussing the “problem”. Its part of their growing up, their growing away from us and attempting to stand on their own two feet, especially if they don’t agree with the life we have given them to live. Eventually you will all connect on a new level – going at your central family core with new dedication. It will work, hard as it is to believe that, it will work.

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  8. wishing you luck. hard times are well hard but i think admitting that…saying it out loud is freeing. it doesn’t heal you but it definitely helps your heart. peace.

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  9. Oh Mama, parenting is such a journey! And it can certainly be a difficult one at times, that we need a break, no matter what it might mean. I’m sure it must have been hard to leave him behind with other loved ones and not keep him close, but you did what you thought was best. And that’s all we can ever do as parents. And it sounds like it helped. Sending you lots of love and light, hoping everything goes well for your family.

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  10. So very hard, I can well imagine. It sounds trite, but we’ve been there, done that. Now he’s 24 and a different person, a young man whom we enjoy and are proud of. To God be all the glory and praise! I’m praying you have just as a good a result. And tons of thanks for parents/grandparents!

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  11. Oh dear love! So sorry to hear of this hard time. Trials and tough times do happen, don’t they? They come our way sometimes. The parenting road is so darn bumpy sometimes. Our young family is sending lots of love to you (I’m sure we will need to ask the same favor in return some day.) Take care and take heart, lovely mama!

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  12. Kids… always a challenge. You can only do what you think is best and love them your fiercest. I have no doubt that is what you both are doing. And fingers crossed that this is just a bump in the road of his long happy healthy life.
    Take care.

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  13. Hugs and luck and all the good vibes I can send. This line of parenting can be so hard to walk…loving them so fiercely, but needing to do what’s best for them too. Family is not easy, but I hope that yours can have some smooth sailing for awhile.

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  14. You are a brave and loving mother. I’m currently reading Maya Angelou’s newest memoir about her relationship with her mother and her relationship with her son. A full-cirlce perspective. Hard times healed by love. Always. So much love to you and your son, Mama.

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  15. thanks for posting this.. i was just looking through some recipe posts and came upon this one .. i needed it i am feeling lost and nervous with a high school daughter .. things just aren’t so simple anymore they have their own ideas and directions they want to go.. i thought living on a tiny island was hard now i look at those pictures and realize that was such a good time raising our kiddos! teen years are tough on them and us! wish we could just shelter them! ugh deep breath!

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