rambling

So things have been a little…. well…. flat here lately on the blog.

Have you noticed?

Sure there are still recipes and pictures of my kids…. but the depth has been a little lacking…

it feels …. stagnant??

Truth is… there’s been an abundance of unbloggable things going on in our lives….

nothing major, but the type of things you just don’t rant about on a public place.

I’m all for honesty, but when I feel like airing dirty laundry I know I need to shut the laptop πŸ™‚

So, sorry for the rose colored blog posts. 

And now, I will share something that has been rolling around in my brain.

Remember my “Funk” rant a few months back?? Well it seems as if each person in my house is having this need to go through their own funk and, well, that’s a lot of funk to deal with!

We move a lot. And sometimes I feel like we are always getting ready for a move… or unpacking from a move… or anticipating the next move. Treading water, if you will. Eeek. And my husband and I have come to a mutual agreement over the past few months. We’re kinda done. Our wanderlust has waned and we’re looking to put down roots. Are we getting old? But, we’ve got 4.5 years left for him to get retirement… so we’ve gotta stick it out.. and we will. But we have to find a balance to enjoy life in the mean time and not just wish these years away. 

Now, I hope this does not come across as whining, because truthfully I am incredibly grateful for my hard working husband and his job. Really, I am. But we’re both feeling this huge shift in our priorities… it’s both alarming and enlightening….

So enough rambling.

Here is my question to you.

Have you ever really felt like an outcast? Like what you wanted was so un-mainstream that most people you talk to just stare blankly back at you? Or perhaps they will flat out ask “Why would you want to do that?”

It’s humorous at best and stifling at worst.

How do you deal with that?

How do you keep from questioning yourself?

How do you remain authentic to yourself?

Just wondering. 

And another thing….. do any of you suffer from “be responsible” syndrome.

We do. We work too hard and don’t play enough. If I just clean the house, or paint this room, then we could go to the park… or for a walk…. or play in the sprinkler with the kids… I want to play more. ( I think this will help) I want to look at things that need to be done and choose this instead…….

monkey

I think every kid should have a hammock.

Thanks for listening (reading). 

   

38 thoughts on “rambling

  1. I think that it is really normal to have the feelings of not wanting to put off play. I think that our generation lives in a world where EVERYTHING moves so fast, and there is so much sensory overload, that we find ourselves grasping to not let the years slip away with our kids. It sounds like your mind is in a great place, and I am sure that the rest will follow

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  2. For some reason, I have always thought you moved by choice, not for a job. I have to say, you have handled the moves beautifully. I completely understand the desire for roots and you are so lucky (as are your kids) to have experienced all the things you have. In whatever way you can and feels right, try and keep things steady until you can plant your feet in 5 years.
    Yes, maybe not intensely, but yes, I have experienced the un-maintream feel. I am not sure that this is what I have done as much as what I would wish I would do. Hold your ground. In a non pushy, non offensive or defensive way, live your principles. I have come to realize maintstream is a group of people afraid of being unique and if anyone is mean to you, well then you don’t want to associate with them anyway. I have also found, though, that I am completely put off when I find myself part of the mainstream being pushed by someone who isn’t and has strong opinions about how their choices should be my choices. Make any sense at all?
    My guess is that whatever your question is, it relates to your entire family (not just you) being un-mainstream and if so, you are blessed to have a mini tribe to surround yourself with. This sounds lame and hollow, but seriously, ignore where you can and remind yourself why you made the choice(s) you did. It will give you a boost.
    Sending you a virtual hug.
    Nicola

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  3. Due to my father’s job, we moved a lot when I was a child, including some international travel. I missed a lot of those cultural references that friends, who didn’t move, take for granted. When I was younger, it was almost a relief when I met people who I didn’t have to explain what I meant, all the time, and vice versa.
    Different experiences make us different people, so why should we all think the same and want the same things. I love hearing people’s stories about how they got to where they are now.
    Probably an aside, but isn’t an element of blogging to reach out and find like minded people to share ideas, etc? More chance to find people who don’t just stare back blankly. I hope you are finding them.

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  4. awww… yes i know the feeling about wanting to settle and grow roots we were just talking about that about next transfer staying and allowing shaun to be a geo yes it would be hard and we would miss him but its all about the roots… i dont think its getting old i think its a maturing family when you start out you just want to go and move around but it gets harder as the kids grow …. i am more than ready to move from sitka but thinking savannah may be home and am not going to rush to get out of there i totally know always planning to move getting ready to move and moving i think you need to stop and enjoy the moment sometimes.. as for outcast oh yes i think that is why i carry so many identities lol! i can be a diva who enjoys a day of getting my hair done even though it ends up in a bun but i also love to stick mismatched clothes on and get dirty in the garden i enjoy a day canning my own produce but also a shopping spree through target i drive a beast of a car but i also ride a bike i dontknow i guess im rambling but anyway i understand those very thoughts…. whenever you feel this way just sit and watch your children whatever you have been doing has definitly paid off… love ya girl!

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  5. I know it well. I have always pretty much felt like an outcast; I’m always termed “unique,” now my girls have also been labeled this. I want to take it as a compliment, but the tone in the way I’ve heard it been said….not so much. I’ve been learning to take these comments not to heart anymore. I know I do the best I can with what I have and will continue to do so.
    I had the funk too actually, until I read that it was nature awareness month, but now I’m spinning in hyper mode which is almost as bad as a funk for me. Too much going on……
    Thinking of you. Take care.
    lisa

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  6. I think you should be responsible and go to the park with my grand kids. πŸ™‚
    It’s hard, but do what your heart says to do, not your head. Your head will tell you to clean the house, your heart will send you to the beach with your family.
    And there’s nothing crazy about wanting a farm and chickens and sheep and playing with your kids and throwing away the tv and recycling and living in the same place for 50 years. There are probably more people out there then you realize that feel the same way, you’re just brave enough to follow through with it and that makes me very proud of you. I am honored to have you as my daughter; the spectacular wife to my favorite son-in-law, the fantastic mother to my marvelous grandchildren and my best friend.
    Keep up the awesome life that you so unselfishly share with all of us, please! And be glad that the life you choose to live is so un-Mainstream, that’s what makes you so wonderful.
    Love you, Gypsy’s Mom

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  7. I hear everything you’ve shared. I get the ‘funky-ness’ and outsider thing (like my whole life!), the wanting to put down roots–to settle into something. The questioning yourself about everything you’re doing–and for what?!
    You are not alone in this! And I’m glad to know I’m not either.
    I’m finding that through this blogging community I’m meeting more people who are like me or I’m like (whichever). Living similarly, doing our best to be authentic and to live in the present and to make a difference in our little corner of the world.
    I’m doing my best not to keep to myself. This is how I normally handle what the ‘outside world’ has to say about how I’m living, parenting, wifing (if that’s a word! lol), etc. I’ve found that being true to myself and my family–while strange to others–also gives them permission to be the same for themselves and their families.
    We all need space to figure out just where we fit. It’s hard. Most days. I’d like to fit better sometimes. Then my husband reminds me that we’re not chasing that dream, but our own. (He even wrote me a poem to remind me when he’s not around). I’ll take our dream.
    Thanks for sharing yourself. It’s nice getting to know you! πŸ˜€

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  8. You know..when I first met you, I wondered why you would ‘do those things’. You weren’t ‘in my face’ with your ways, you always just explained why you did what you did and why you chose the life you lead. I think I did pretty good with rolling with it. You don’t judge my mostly mainstream self. Those things are huge. You keep your ways, and you teach others why….no matter what society tells you what you should be doing. Keep doing that.
    You have pretty much changed my life..and my family’s in the short time I have known you. I just started a quilt for pete’s sake! I made homemade bread today! Those aren’t things I would have done without meeting you.
    You and your family are one of a kind. In being who you are, you inspire others to be better people.
    I treasure your friendship and hope we have many more years ahead of us…even from a distance in a few years.
    This sounded so much more eloquent in my head during the day today..lol Your wine has tied my tongue!
    Your friend, Steph

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  9. Thanks for your honest post.
    I definitely felt like an outcast for much of my twenties. I was more interested in backpacking, gardening and reading than going to bars and staying up late. I was more interested in nature study than skiing and mountain biking, despite living in ideal terrain for these sports.
    The more I reaped my own personal rewards of following my path, the more I followed it, thus the more rewards…
    Playing definitely helps. And in 4.5 years a lot of roots can get put down.
    I wish you joy and understanding on your journey.
    Rachel

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  10. Life is both too short and too long not to listen to yourself, to give yourself a chance to aim for dreams. So much of life is “have to.” As far as being an outcast…it takes courage to have a different voice. Your wonderful hubby has always, since he was little, been one to have his own beat to move to through life. It is a wonderful thing that you sing a similar tune and your kids round out the band!

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  11. yes, i have felt all of this. if i weren’t already crying from your post, your mama’s response surely did me in. however, i do occasionally feel moments of pure rightness and joy and even reassuring faith and trust. thanks for this.

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  12. Sometimes it feels so good to say this stuff out loud…. or write it out loud πŸ™‚ And there is nothing like knowing so many other mamas are in search of something similar.

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  13. A little more of the truth slips out all the time πŸ™‚ Nicola, your words ring so true to me. I really, truly am blessed with my mini tribe. And also for all of you that stop by here and read these ramblings and “get it”. Thank you.

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  14. The responses from this rambling moment reminded me that yes, that is a big reason why I blog, to have that connection… that kindred moment of knowing that there truly are many others striving to do similar things and also happily swimming upstream πŸ™‚

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  15. decisions decisions….. so many options to weigh…. you understand all of this like no other. You’ve always made me smile for the very reasons you posted above…. never one to fit neatly into a box with a label. A truly authentic soul πŸ™‚ I love you for that Renee!

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  16. Unique. Eccentric.
    I’ve heard them too. Most days I can take it with a grain of salt…. glad to know all the other “unique” folks out there have their funk moments. Every time I visit your blog and see those happy funny girls playing outside I wish we were neighbors! I mean really, our youngest girls make so many similar faces at the mama behind the camera! Thanks for the nature inspiration too…. it was just what I needed.
    Best~Stephinie

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  17. Steph…first let me say, your “reflecting” that IS ALWAYS good. We each choose our own path. You and Joe chose one that takes “adventure” to a whole new level! Bravo! When you and Joe are old and rocking on your porch looking back…there will be no regrets. I promise! I don’t think I have met one home-schooling, progressive, loving mom that hasn’t gone through the “funk” your in. Hang in there…your just “one-of-us” now. Your officially a seasoned-mom…now go celebrate with a glass of wine and a long hot bath! (((Big Hug)))

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  18. Oh my, is this ever poignant. I’m sorry I missed this yesterday, I NEEDED this…
    A few weeks ago when I declared that I wanted to raise three chickens and build a coop.
    Yesterday when I filled my car with soil and seeds and trays.
    The day before when I was on my break at work crocheting and the student nurses looked at my kind of funny.
    Mainstream sucks, non-mainstream is the NEW Mainsteam and you fit in right here with us.
    I feel for you. I am sorry. You fit right in. We love you.

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  19. Wifing ~ I love it πŸ™‚
    Most days I am happy right where I am at…. but when you have a lack of community and things get hectic it can be sort of rough! But after venting here I see that while my neighbors might (kindly) think I’m strange, a whole lot of you on here know just what I mean… thank you for that. I suppose the whole point of being authentic to your dreams is knowing it isn’t going to be “the norm”…. that’s what makes those dreams so grand. I’ll take our dream to πŸ™‚

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  20. You know you keep me sane down here πŸ™‚ I’m glad to know I’m not overbearing with my lifestyle… I certainly strive for that. And the quilting and the baking is all you…. you just needed someone to let you know it was important… I know you have “treading water” days too and I’m so glad we can hang out and drink homebrewed wine and make strawberry jam while we talk about our “somedays” together πŸ™‚

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  21. πŸ™‚ Thanks Rachel. I had never pegged you as a mainstreamer in any way! lol There is a lot of wisdom in those words…. thank you. And I hope you don’t mind being my virtual neighbor until I do get settled?? ~stephinie

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  22. Kris – this had me in tears. I am realizing you know us far better then I give you credit for. I only wish our paths were nearer to one another. much love – steph

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  23. You are so right. And those moments are what keeps us all going. That feeling in your bones of “this” is it. Glad to know I am far from alone on this journey. All the best ~ stephinie

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  24. Homebrewed Wine too πŸ™‚ Thanks Sara – so much of knowing your family and living in the midwest has changed us to want that sustainable lifestyle in the future. And I agree that Joe and I will have a whole lot of life behind us by the time we’re hanging out in rocking chairs. Now I just need to become a good gardener in the next few years so I can feed the crew when Joe does retire! Miss you – steph

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  25. Yeah for chickens!! Have you read my week of chickens?? I did a whole series of posts on backyard chickens when we lived in Wisconsin. They were so awesome! We loved them.
    I am so grateful to know I have friends like you on this wild journey. A bunch of dreamers following our hearts….. it’s good stuff you know!
    Thank you for the kind words…. and if I saw you crocheting… I would ask you to teach me, because I only knit πŸ™‚ ~stephinie

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  26. Hello friend. I think it’s great that you are asking these questions? Yes I’ve been an outcast before and it’s a terrible feeling. That’s when all of my self inquiries would come about. The answer I found, for me anyway, is simple but at times hard to deliver and that is to just live in this moment that I’m in completely authentically and the rest follows. Those who love me are always there and those that don’t understand me never will, so why does it matter? All of these questions that you are asking means that you are growing. It will be ok, I promise. …and good for you! big hugs coming your way.

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  27. Now I’m just getting caught up on things here and just look what I missed. A big hug to you and a thank you for being honest and giving life to some of the thoughts bumping around in my head. When you talk about “happily swimming upstream” it makes me think even more about the not fitting in. I feel like I’m swimming sideways, or maybe just treading water. I don’t feel as if I fit quite anywhere. I’m a little bit mainstream and a little bit not. I sometimes feel as if I have a foot in two different worlds. It is comforting to find so much support and community here. Luckily, I have a few other real-life “in-betweener” friends in real life too! πŸ˜‰ Thanks also for the reminder to get out and play… the laundry can wait to be folded!

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  28. As though you needed anymore comments, but I can’t resist. I shared with you in a recent e-mail that there are some very personal things my little one is being teased about in our neighborhood because we are… well… different. It has put me in a Grade 1 funk. A really, pissy, don’t-want-to-be-friends-with-anyone-in-this-neighborhood funk!
    But, then my friend e-mails me to say, hey, I’ve been there. Keep it as simple as possible. Follow your own path, do what feels right, and that might set you apart. Thank you for that.
    I think there is a delicious and painful dichotomy to being different. I will admit, it is fun being the funky, eclectic single mom, who rock climbs and sews her daughter clothes, and teaches playdates how to make bread, and who is not afraid to admit “I never intend on working full time if I don’t have to.” *gasp*
    Flip side, it is lonely out there… and there are days when you don’t feel settled no matter how true to yourself you are. I blame hormones usually, but that’s not quite accurate every time πŸ˜‰
    Thanks for inspiring me Steph, and I look forward to the day we can revel in our uniqueness together! πŸ˜‰
    love to you all,
    t

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  29. People give me blank stares and make me feel like a crazy little outcast when I tell them I want to stay in Cordova for the rest of my life, for ever and ever and ever! πŸ™‚

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  30. Kerry, I am happy to swim sideways right next to you! And maybe we can be frogs so we can live in both worlds. (okay so I’m a little silly) Those in-betweener friends are the best. And I am so glad to know there are so many of us that have these “funk” days. Be well friend πŸ™‚

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  31. By blaming our hormones I think we can brush aside the reality. It’s easier you know… to blow it off then get upset about it. But sometimes people are poopy heads! Ha ha! And when you have to deal with those people, there is nothing better then knowing you have good company in your authenticity. Wether that company is near or far.
    I’m glad the email helped. You know I love you girls more then the moon. And so does everyone else in my house πŸ™‚ Your words ring true and I know I’ve got you to share the journey with. I just hope someday it’s a little closer!

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  32. I just found your blog yesterday and hae been ready back a few months. We too moveway to often, and I grew up moving too so I really don’t know any different but have always longed for the feeling of belonging…everytime I almost feel “rooted” it’s time to go again! s a kid if was much easier, I had school and pretty much an instant roup of friends but as an adult it is much harder and being the free thinker that I am makes it extra hard! I love your honesty and my only advise for those days of “funk” are to find a few blogs that inspire you and remind you that you aren’t alone…that’s what I do. I have yet to find a friend in person that shares my passion of living outside the box, but I have “met” many kindred souls thru blogging that continue to inspire me to do more and live better….Thankyou for your blog, I look forward to getting to know you!
    Hallie
    http://www.ourbrokenroad.blogspot.com

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  33. I do agree the connection with bloggers helps…. but ideally some day we’ll have a mama friend down the road that “gets us”. Just one πŸ™‚
    The moving is tough…. I moved a lot as a kid too…. so I understand where you are coming from with that. In the last few years I have had a strong sense to put down roots…. hoping with all hopes the next move will be the forever house with chickens and apple trees πŸ™‚
    Be well,
    Stephinie

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